Love of the Father

Last night, my son was not making great choices and he got in trouble.  When I went into his room to tuck him into bed, he was curled up in a ball in tears.  I gently pulled the covers back and asked what the problem was.  He said, "Daddy doesn't like me anymore."  My heart broke.  He believed that the consequences to his poor choices were a direct reflection of the way his dad felt about him.  Fortunately, his dad understood how detrimental it would be for him to continue believing that lie.  So, he wrapped his son in his arms and just loved on him.

This morning, my mind replayed the events.  How often do I believe that the consequences of my actions are a direct reflection of how God feels about me?   I can say with my mouth that I believe there is nothing that I can do to make God love me less.  However, I know there are times that I put God in a human box.  I tend to relate him to how an imperfect being would react to circumstances instead of the infinite grace that defines his very being.

Do you know how many times my husband has told his little boy that he loves him?  There is no way to count.  There are days that he just repeats it over and over again.  It isn't all just about telling him either, he has shown him with hugs and sacrifices.  My son sees the joy in his dad's eyes when they make plans to go spend a day together.  Do these things automatically mean that my son will never doubt his father's love?  No.  Unfortunately there is nothing that my husband can do to make sure our son believes how much he loves him.  My son must choose to believe it.

1 John 4:8 says God is love.

He chose to send His son to die so that I would not have the eternal consequences to my sin and yet my comprehension of that depth falls short.  Therefore, I need to choose, every day to believe that it happened and that a love like that exists.  I have seen evidence.  The creator of the universe has reached into my life and provided for me when nothing else could.  Yet, in moments of looking for the easy way out, sometimes I forget how real and how close He is to me.  His Word tells us,

"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."  Ephesians 3:17b-19

What would it look like for my son to believe his father's love is not determined by his actions?     First, when his dad points out his poor choices, he would know it's in love and therefore not get defensive and try to justify his actions.  Second, he would not feel so horrible about the poor choices.  He would acknowledge that he made a mistake and be able to move on without it affecting his personal worth.  Finally, it would not create a barrier in the relationship between he and his father.

I want to say that I've never reacted in these ways.  However, I am a work in progress!  Thankfully, 
Philippians 1:6, says "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

What relief that promise brings!  
There is nothing I can do to make God love me more and there is nothing I can do to make God love me less.  Today, I choose to believe it!

Whatever It Takes

2 Corinthians 12:9
"My grace is sufficient for you,  for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore,  I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness,  so that Christ's power may rest on me."

More than anything I want to know God and believe what His Word says.  I also long for those I love to know Him too.   Each and every day someone I love seems to go through something hard.   It doesn't matter if it's a tragic loss or a hiccup in their plans, it's often difficult to see beyond whatever difficult situation we're facing.  These things make us ask the question,  why?  Why me?  Why now?

My sweet 9 year old son, on regular basis deals with anxiety.  I cringe when those that know me best sarcastically say, "I wonder where he got that!?"  I reject the idea that I live in that world.  However, if I stop for a moment, I recognize that it might...um...ggrrrr....nope, I don't want to admit that he gets it from me.  I was his age exactly when my headaches began.  I remember missing school.  I remember going to the doctor several times.  I remember the CT scan and still have nightmares about the allergy test.  I will never forget how I felt when the doctor looked me in the eye after weeks of tests and told me that I worry too much.  I said, "I'm 9 years old, what do I have to worry about?"  It was such a subconscious thing, I didn't even realize I was doing it.  Now, I look at my son and wonder if he feels the same way.  Does he know he's doing it?  When he comes home convinced that he's failing fourth grade, does he know how he got to that point?  My first instinct is to convince him that his fear is just unfounded, but I've learned to first allow his mind to go to the fear and face it.  "Ok, let's say you fail fourth grade.  What would that look like next year?"  He realizes he knows all the information and would be at the top of every chart.  He realized he loves his teacher and would be able to be with her again.  He would still see all of his friends at church and recess and after school activities.  Then, we go looking for the truth.  "What would it take to fail fourth grade?"  I don't know if I know the answer to this question and I'm sure they don't call it "failing" anymore, but we talk about it probably including an inability to learn the required information.  "And are you able to learn the information?"  The answer is yes.  The truth is, he is not behind in any area, but, more so on the advanced side.  And yet, I watch him totally fall apart if he is disciplined for any behavior including forgetting homework, talking too loudly in the hallway, or playing too rough on the playground.  He begins to believe lies about himself and is convinced he is inferior.  

It pains me to watch my son go through this process over and over again.  So many times I have had to calm him down and walk him through the same steps of facing his worst fear, then finding the truth and asking him about where his self worth comes from.  I want to pray that he will never go through it again, but then I realize, each and every time we walk through this process, I get an opportunity to help him recognize the lie, find the truth, and remind him that the Creator of the World thinks he is awesome!  Even if I have to watch him suffer for a few minutes, that lesson is worth it!

Some time before Easter, a bullet point in a sermon at our church talked about Mary watching Jesus dying on the cross.  Jesus was her son.  Her baby.  She watched him suffer in a way that I cannot fathom.  She knew full well, that Jesus had the power to take himself off of the cross and yet, he didn't and she watched him die.  It was part of the Father's plan for Him and Jesus said, whatever it takes.  

When I think about life's most difficult moments, I will be praying that God would relieve my loved ones from those battles but I will include, Lord, if these moment are meant to be part of Your plan for them, may this situation make them come running to You.  May they find Your love more real.  If that is the outcome, Lord, then, whatever it takes.