The Illusion of Control

The past few weeks have found myself feeling like a passenger in the roller coaster of life, just hanging on, hoping not to crash.  I don't feel this way very often and I will admit I don't like it.  I want to be in control.

Do you remember the scene in one of the Ice Age movies where Manny tries to childproof nature?  If I could, I would.  I want my child to be safe, always.  I want to know where he is, what he is doing and I want a bubble around him so he doesn't even get a paper cut.  I know somewhere deep inside me- not only is that not possible, but it's not healthy....for either of us, but I still have the desire.  

I had a dear friend lose her brother very unexpectedly this week.  I would love to be able to take the pain away from her.  I want to offer so many things but nothing seems adequate.  I cannot even control my ability to comfort a loved one. 

I watch people I love make decisions that pave their way to pain.  It makes my heart ache because I want to step in and change the path, change their decisions, and often change the very core of their belief system.

I don't know what is scarier, the fact that I am not in control or the fact that I often feel as though I am.  

Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him,   and he will make your paths straight"

I consider myself a fairly smart person.  I catch on to most things rather quickly....except this verse.  It seems as many times as I try, I continue to struggle with this very well known verse.  The following is a time of confession.

1."Trust"   I trust that God sent His son to die for me.  I trust that He loves me.  However, I must admit, I have a much more difficult time trusting that He has my children's best in mind at all times.  Especially when I watch them suffer.

2. "Lean not on your own understanding"  Boy oh boy, even rewriting it gives me goosebumps.  Listen, when things makes sense in your brain a certain way, you gotta figure anything else is just wrong, right?  It is difficult for me to conceive that my own ability for comprehension falls so short.

3. "Submit to Him"   What does that even mean?  Google's definition is to "accept or yield to a superior force or to the authority or will of another person"   So, He wants me to choose His path not only when my understanding says we should be going in a different direction but also when my will or desire is to take a different path.  Hmm...this isn't getting any easier.  

4. "He will make your paths straight"   I get it...this is supposed to be the good part.  But what if His plan doesn't make sense to me.  I know, I know....see confessions 1-3.

So, now what do I do with all these emotions wrapped up inside me making me feel so out of control?  I don't have all the answers, but I have been told that frustration is the combination of a "can't" and a "have to".  One of them is always a lie. So let's find some truth.

Truth #1. Trust is a choice.  Simple as that.  I need to choose to live Romans 4:21 "being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised" including loving my children. 

Truth #2. It doesn't matter how smart I am, I cannot comprehend the plans of the creator of the universe. Isaiah 55:9,“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Truth #3. If I am convinced that my Savior loves me and that Jeremiah 29:11 is true that his plan for me is good, then submitting to Him and His plan for me should not be difficult or cause anxiety. If I struggle with this then I am not convinced of His love or His control and that leads me to the next truth. 

Truth #4. I am not in control.  If I want less anxiety about the hills and valleys of life, I need to spend more time with the One that is in control.  The more I know Him, the more I trust Him. 

I just need to remember there is a God and I am not Him. 

Understanding Leads to Belief, Belief Leads to Freedom

I love to grill!  Who wouldn't enjoy great food without the mess?  However,  I didn't always have this perspective.  I used to be afraid of my grill.  In fact,  there was a time that I refused to even light it.  So, what changed? 

A few years ago,  the grill wasn't working well.  We really didn't want to spend the money on a new grill so I called the company to find out what parts had a lifetime warranty.  Turned out everything that wasn't working was covered so I took pictures, emailed them in and they sent us new parts.  My husband was out of town when the parts came in.   I wanted to surprise him with a delicious dinner when he got home but I needed to disassemble then reassemble the grill.   I was totally intimidated by the metal contraption but I was determined to make it work.  

It took me several hours to get it apart, clean the necessary parts and put it all together but it worked great!  I had a much better understanding of how it worked and really wasn't afraid of it any more.  

I recently finished a Bible Study that reminded me of this story.  The study has given me an all new perspective of the Bible from a few steps back.  Although I love the Bible, I have been intimidated by it.  I didn't fully understand it and never felt that I really could understand it a whole lot better, so I just used it in the most familiar ways.

After learning more about each individual part, the authors, who they were, why they had the perspective they did and who they were writing to, I have a better understanding of who God is and how He speaks to me through His Word.  

Why is that important?  Well, in every struggle in life, I can find anxiety.  It comes far too easy.  If I want to battle that anxiety, I need to figure out what I'm believing that isn't true.  Often, that involves me limiting God.

Numbers 11:23 (NIV), "Is the Lord's arm too short?"

Ephesians 3:20-21 (The Message), "God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us."

When I have anxiety, basically, I am choosing to not believe that God can do anything.  I'm choosing to believe that He would not have what I need if my worst case scenario comes true.  I have experienced my nightmares come to life and He was faithful.  His peace can truly exist beyond my comprehension.  

There are many other reasons but being specific to what I am walking through right now, it is vital for my well being to believe that what God says is true.  I cannot do that if I don't know what He says and am too intimidated to find out.  Don't feel like you need to read it cover to cover and absorb it all at once, but find a way to break it down!  I've been told the book of John is a great place to start.   Find out who John was, who he was writing to and what his relationship was with Jesus.  Every author of the Bible was human and struggled with the same things that you and I do.  God planned it that way.  It is the inspired Word of God and He created it for me; He created it for you! 

I tried to bring it back around to the grill analogy but all I can come up with is when an unexpected flame pops up, don't let it just ruin your meal.  That sounds a little cheesy, let's take this down another path.  When we come to a curve in the road, let's not ignore the map, and wonder how we will get to the path we expected to be on.  Let's study the map in advance, so we can look up and acknowledge that there is beauty on the path we are on.  

Make Good Choices, Don't Feed the Weeds

On a beautiful sunny day last summer, I was watering my flowers when I saw a new type of blossom in my pot of blue lobelia.  It didn't look familiar but I didn't mind the way it looked with small pale pink beads.  So, I just continued to water everything in the container.  The new blossoms grew fast and I wondered if it was a new stage of the lobelia plant.  I enjoyed the fresh greens and pinks that I saw each day as the plant expanded.   Then, after a few weeks, my mom came over and as a former florist, I asked if she was familiar with this unknown beauty.  She informed me that it was a weed and it should be pulled.  I told her I had left it because I thought it was kind of pretty.  She said, "well, if you like the way it looks, then you could sure leave it."  So I did.

A few days later, as I was watering the plant, I found that the weed wasn't as pretty as I once thought it was.  Once I found out it was a weed, it just wasn't as attractive to me.  I was also afraid it would choke out my lobelia, as it was no longer the dominant plant in the container. I went to pull the weed and found that since I let it grow, it had a large stem and would take out most of the soil along with it.

I realized there are similarities between this container and my life.  There are things that begin to take root in my heart that I kind of enjoy.  Speaking my mind, for example.  It can feel empowering to say what you want to say when you want to say it.  It can feel good to stand up for yourself and get your point across in a powerful way.  However, if left unchecked, this attractive trait, can become unhealthy and choke out love and grace.  Even exercise which our body (and even our mind) needs can become a weed if it takes over the soil and chokes out the truth of who God says we are.

Philippians 4:8, " Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

It is easy to justify unwholesome actions, thoughts, or words because they are comical or we are just simply attracted to them for a fleeting moment.  It's also easy to find encouragement for such things.  It makes me think of the ear piercing auditions on American Idol by people that were told by loved ones that they were great singers.  We cannot rely on the people around us to be our litmus test of what we should be focusing on.  Instead, let's choose our thoughts and actions according to the Word of God. 

Romans 12:2, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

Often, this time of year, we make resolutions to improve our lives.  Let's resolve to live life intentionally.  Don't let weeds creep in without noticing.   Choose to keep the flowers, even when it is more work.   Choose to be part of the beauty in someone else's life.  When you find yourself doing life in automatic, just trying to get through the day, picture me......in a cheesy grandma type sweater, dropping you off at school yelling out the car window, "Make good choices!"